all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
