Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
