we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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