Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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