Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
