Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
