...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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