i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
