Say something about gay babies.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
