What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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