The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
