My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
