She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
