Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
