I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Randomize
