Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
