Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
one might say we're banned from that church
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
