Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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