Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
