my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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