how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
