Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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