I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
