YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
