thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
