I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
