She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
