Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
