It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
