I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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