Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
