im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
