A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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