Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
