I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
