If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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