i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
