Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
