I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
