So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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