Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
