we have officially lost it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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