Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
