R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
