yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
