God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
