Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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