Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
