Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
