you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
