david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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