i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
