I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
