you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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