This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
