if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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